


Student Council Group Chat

by lonelywriterboy



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Asexual Character, Asexuality, Banter, Bisexual Female Character of Color, Bisexual Male Character, Detention, Dress Code Violation, Everyone is Queer, F/F, F/M, Female Character of Color, Feminism, Feminist Themes, Gen, Gentle Mocking, Group Chat Fic, Group chat, Historical References, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, LGBTQ Character of Color, M/M, Memes, Modern Era, Multi, Polyamory, Student Council, Truces, everyone loves memes, text fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-04
Updated: 2016-11-25
Packaged: 2018-08-29 00:37:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 4,924
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8469067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lonelywriterboy/pseuds/lonelywriterboy
Summary: The kids in student council set up a group chat, humour ensues. Also, oh shit, it actually has a plot and (vaguely) follows historical events in a modern context.peg_the_leg: i love that your boyfriend has literally shat his pants and ur contemplating the logistics of the reclamation of slurs[yet another text/group chat fic i'm sO SORRY]





	1. The Schuyler Sisters (and Maria)

**Author's Note:**

> alex-needs-coffee = Alexander Hamilton  
> ohjohnnieboy = John Laurens  
> angelicafromrugrats = Angelica Schuyler  
> ellsbells = Eliza Schuyler  
> gardenmarquee = Lafayette [I always hear it as 'Marquee' instead of 'Marquis' oops]  
> peg_the_leg = Peggy Schuyler  
> burrythefurry = Aaron Burr  
> thomasjefferson301 = Thomas Jefferson  
> mariahcareylookalike = Maria Reynolds  
> herc-the-hunk = Hercules Mulligan  
> madasahatter = James Madison

_angelicafromrugrats added ellsbells, peg_the_leg and mariahcareylookalike to the group chat_  
  


**angelicafromrugrats:** yo what time did dad want us back tonight  
  


**mariahcareylookalike:** lad am i meant to be in this chat  
  


**mariahcareylookalike:** bcs i'm not actually ur sister u know  
  


**mariahcareylookalike:** it'd be a bit weird if i was  
  


**mariahcareylookalike:** considering i'm fucking peggy  
  


**ellsbells:** i think sixOH MY GOD MARIA NO  
  


**angelicafromrugrats:** thanks for that mental image maria ur gr8  
  


**ellsbells:** that was meant to be two messages Yikes™  
  


**peg_the_leg** : why am i in this gc  
  


**peg_the_leg** : i don't even like any of u  
  


**peg_the_leg** : go away  
  


**peg_the_leg** : no  
  


_peg_the_leg has left the group chat_  
  


**angelicafromrugrats** : fuck u then peggster  
  


_mariahcareylookalike has added peg_the_leg to the group chat_  
  


**ellsbells** : but yeah we gotta be home for six bcs it's getting dark in the evenings  
  


**mariahcareylookalike** : ur dad is so overprotective  
  


**angelicafromrugrats** : tru  
  


**ellsbells** : u kno he still checks peggy's phone right  
  


**ellsbells** : so he'll see those messages  
  


**angelicafromrugrats** : i lov u dad  
  


**peg_the_leg** : i aint gettin in trouble for y'all  
  


**peg_the_leg** : goodbye  
  


_peg_the_leg has left the group chat_  
  


**mariahcareylookalike** : why don't we make this a chat for the student council members  
  


**mariahcareylookalike** : i'm tired of pasting the same message to all of you bcs none of u remember anything  
  


_mariahcareylookalike has added alex-needs-coffee, ohjohnnieboy, gardenmarquee, burrythefurry, thomasjefferson301, peg_the_leg, herc-the-hunk and madasahatter to the group chat_


	2. Someone Call Keemstar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> //////drug mention

**thomasjefferson301:** do any of you have any pot i can borrow

 **thomasjefferson301:** fuckign james smoked my last blunt

 **alex-needs-coffee:** fuck off

 **madasahatter:** oo beef

 **burrythefurry:** someone call keemstar

 **thomasjefferson301:** seriously though

 **thomasjefferson301:** i don't even have any of the fancy shit i bought in france left

 **thomasjefferson301:** i will pay you

 **alex-needs-coffee:** go and ask your druggie friends not us lmao

 **thomasjefferson301:** i've seen u smoking with john u vaginaflap, do you have any?

 **angelicafromrugrats:** i have an idea

 **angelicafromrugrats:** how about

 **angelicafromrugrats:** u don't waste ur money

 **angelicafromrugrat:** on pot

 **thomasjefferson301:** it isn't a waste, i get straight a's bcs of it

 **mariahcareylookalike:** nah u get straight a's bcs ur daddy would bust ur ass if u didn't

 **thomasjefferson301:** ok u might be right there

 **thomasjefferson301:** but still

 **thomasjefferson301** : pot me up

 **gardenmarquee** : why are you typing so much why aren't you doing something useful and productive

 **gardenmarquee** : my phone is going crazy

 **herc-the-hunk:** just turn notifs off laf

 **ohjohnnieboy:** don't do that you'll miss banter

 **gardenmarquee:** what is banter

 **ohjohnnieboy:** this

 **gardenmarquee:** what

 **alex-needs-coffee:** banter is like, messing around and joking and stuff

 **gardenmarquee:** what

 **thomasjefferson301:** A N Y W A Y back to the topic at hand SOMEONE GET ME SOME POT

 **burrythefurry:** i can get you some i guess?? james reynolds sells it

 **mariahcareylookalike:** that fuckin punk

 **mariahcareylookalike:** kill him

 **mariahcareylookalike:** choke him on his own shitty pot that he mixes with oregano

 **peg_the_leg:** seconded

 **alex-needs-coffee** : thirded

 **angelicafromrugrats:** fourthded

 **thomasjefferson301:** ok cool will do once i've got his pot

 **thomasjefferson301:** au revoir i am off to buy herb

 **alex-needs-coffee:** what a cunt

 **ohjohnnieboy:** seconded

 **burrythefurry:** this is a really dickish democracy

 **burrythefurry:** u can't second a motion just bcs u don't like someone

 **angelicafromrugrats:** fuck u aaron


	3. Balcony Fucker

**gardenmarquee:** alex can you send me the notes from today's meeting  
  


 **gardenmarquee:** also say sorry to Mr Washington that i couldn't attend  
  


 **gardenmarquee** : i was in english class  
  


 **gardenmarquee:** which is totally unnecessary  
  


 **gardenmarquee:** i speak better english than half the kids at our school  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee:** sure thing (also tru tbh we go to school with some cretins)  
  


 **ohjohnnieboy** : also laf washington already knew n he chill with it  
  


 **angelicafromrugrats:** he's pissed at thomas tho  
  


 **herc-the-hunk** : o yeah lmao  
  


 **herc-the-hunk** : that was gold  
  


 **herc-the-hunk:** we got a ten minute lecture on how SOMEONE has been shirking his responsibilities  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee** : i mean what did he expect when thomas got into sc  
  


 **madasahatter** : don't talk about my bf like that i will fight you  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee** : james you r five foot tall and u weigh less than a hundred pounds  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee:** come at me bro  
  


 **angelicafromrugrats** : alex you cried when i trod on your foot last week james would win  
  


 **ohjohnnieboy** : he cried when i slapped his ass during sex he's a wimp  
  


 **ohjohnnieboy** : go ahead james please kill my boyfriend  
  


 **angelicafromrugrats** : john why r we dating such a wimp  
  


 **angelicafromrugrats** : let's elope and leave him to eliza  
  


 **ellsbells** : n o t h a n k y o u  
  


 **ellsbells** : i have a puppy and i have a bag of taffy i Do Not Need A Boyfriend  
  


 **ellsbells:** also i do not need to know what my sister and one of my friends r doing to my other friend in bed No Thank You  
  


 **madasahatter:** neither do i  
  


 **madasahatter:** why does everything always devolve into sex with you guys  
  


 **madasahatter:** one minute we're waiting for Mr Washington to arrive at the meetings  
  


 **madasahatter:** next moment herc is telling the story about the grindr hookup who wanted to shit on his chest  
  


 **ellsbells:** NOPE  
  


 **ellsbells** : I'M OUT  
  


_ellsbells has left the group chat_   
  


_mariahcareylookalike added ellsbells to the group chat_   
  


**mariahcareylookalike** : hey eliza  
  


 **mariahcareylookalike** : eliza  
  


 **mariahcareylookalike:** guess what  
  


 **ellsbells** : what  
  


 **mariahcareylookalike** : penis  
  


 **ellsbells** : i am blocking u irl  
  


 **gardenmarquee:** in french there's a phrase for big tits that literally translates as 'she has many people on her balcony'  
  


 **gardenmarquee** : if we're sharing sexy things  
  


 **peg_the_leg** : balconies aren't sexy laf  
  


 **burrythefurry:** laf fucks balconies #confirmed  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee** : i knew it  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee** : i always thought he looked at the balconies on the apartments in town weirdly  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee** : now i know  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee** : it's lust  
  


 **ohjohnnieboy:** lafayette slowly eased over the balcony beam, moaning as the rough wooden surface entered him. his tight asshole took it commendably well.  
  


 **ellsbells:** why r u all like this  
  


 **ellsbells:** why r u my friends  
  


 **gardenmarquee:** eliza i agree why am i friends with people who think i have sex with balconies  
  


 **angelicafromrugrats:** because it's true and you know it


	4. Skinnt™

**mariahcareylookalike:** have any of you heard from peggy today? she's not replying to my texts  
  


 **angelicafromrugrats:** nah, i'm still at school so idk whether she got home yet or not. her battery might have died.  
  


 **herc-the-hunk:** i saw her on the bus, she was with alex and john  
  


 **mariahcareylookalike:** oh god  
  


 **angelicafromrugrats:** oh god  
  


 **thomasjefferson301:** oh god  
  


 **mariahcareylookalike:** if they've taken her drinking or something i stg i'll rip their dicks off  
  


 **angelicafromrugrats:** you'll have to get through dad first lmao  
  


 **ellsbells:** place your bets now as to where john and alex have gone with her  
  


 **madasahatter:** pillage mission  
  


 **thomasjefferson301** : agreed, james  
  


 **angelicafromrugrats** : tbh i agree too  
  


 **herc-the-hunk:** i mean,,,,,it is alex and john  
  


 **burrythefurry** : i just saw them in the gym lmao, y'all need to chill, i told em that ur fretting  
  


 **mariahcareylookalike** : the gym??  
  


 **gardenmarquee:** the gym???? alex?????  
  


 **mariahcareylookalike** : THE GYM??? PEGGY???????  
  


 **ohjohnnieboy** : o shit waddup  
  


 **mariahcareylookalike:** why hav u taken my girlfriend to the gym have u kidnapped her do i need to call 911  
  


 **peg_the_leg:** i promised i'd hold their sweaty fuckin towels i aint exercising  
  


 **mariahcareylookalike** : that's my girl  
  


 **gardenmarquee** : you know that you'll all die fat and lazy, the stereotypical americans, right?  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee:** viva la fatolution  
  


_peg_the_leg renamed this conversation 'viva la fatolution'_   
  


**angelicafromrugrats:** i accept that my poor dietary choices and lack of exercise will inevitably lead to me becoming obese (which, fyi, isn't a synonym for ugly) but rn my high metabolism is keeping me Skinnt™ so i protest the name  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee:** Skinnt™  
  


 **herc-the-hunk:** Skinnt™  
  


 **ellsbells:** Skinnt™  
  


 **burrythefurry:** Skinnt™  
  


 **angelicafromrugrats:** fuck all y'all


	5. Penis Shoulders

**angelicafromrugrats** : any of y'all got detention today i need someone to take the train back with me bcs i'm gonna miss the school bus  
  


 **gardenmarquee** : why do you have detention???  
  


 **angelicafromrugrats** : long story  
  


 **gardenmarquee:** we have time  
  


 **thomasjefferson301:** i have detention angelica, we can chill on the train together  
  


 **gardenmarquee:** ok good for u thomas now angELICA, why do YOU have detention??  
  


 **angelicafromrugrats** : dress code violation oops  
  


 **thomasjefferson301** : what'd you wear wrong??  
  


 **angelicafromrugrats:** so even tho u can wear weed socks, weed shoes, weed shirt and weed cap, i'm not allowed to show my shoulders  
  


 **angelicafromrugrats:** #patriarchy  
  


 **burrythefurry:** wtf  
  


 **burrythefurry:** that's bullshit  
  


 **ohjohnnieboy:** do u need us to fight a teacher for you  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee:** that has to be illegal  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee:** i'll talk to my law teacher and see if it is  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee:** they can't discriminate against you because of your sex  
  


 **ellsbells:** this is america of course they can  
  


 **angelicafromrugrats** : 1) please fight Mr Eaker for me and 2) d o e s a n y o n e h a v e d e t e n t i o n  
  


 **thomasjefferson301:** i already said i do  
  


 **angelicafromrugrats:** well shit then i guess i;m spending my afternoon with velvet mcweedpants over here  
  


 **burrythefurry:** hey man it's ur own fault for getting a shoulder out i mean how are us poor sensitive boys meant to cope without getting massive erections at the sight of a shoulder  
  


 **herc-the-hunk:** ikr as soon as i see a shoulder my donger becomes a rocket  
  


 **madasahatter:** instant cum as soon as i see angelica schuyler's shoulders  
  


 **ellsbells:** ange, your shoulders have unforseen powers. you need to be more careful, you could cause the world to implode  
  


 **peg_the_leg:** honestly like smh angie you know that you have magical shoulders with their own gravitational field, be more sensitive  
  


 **angelicafromrugrats:** ur all losers and i hate you  
  


 **mariahcareylookalike:** at least we don't have penis-gravitation on our shoulders  
  


 **herc-the-hunk** : i mean fuck ur shoulders turned me straight angelica, sorry laf i'm no longer ur gay, i'm straight for a set of shoulders  
  


 **gardenmarquee** : i don't understand what's going on  
  


 **ohjohnnieboy:** none of us do


	6. Menstruating Chickens

**alex-needs-coffee:** u know that new assistant principal  
  


 **peg_the_leg:** Mr Lee?  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee:** yeah  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee:** we gotta murder him  
  


 **burrythefurry:** why?  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee:** he's trying to get funding for sc cut and he doesn't think Mr Washington should run it  
  


 **mariahcareylookalike** : wtf let's kill him  
  


 **burrythefurry:** i mean, the funding cut can fuck itself but like, Mr Washington isn't the best leader  
  


 **madasahatter:** blocked and reported  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee** : Mr Washington is sO GOOD, u just don't like him bcs he gave u and thomas detention for not turning up to sc meetings  
  


 **thomasjefferson301** : no, we just don't like that he has favourites  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee** : boo hoo, tommy isn't teacher's favourite so he's sulking!  
  


 **thomasjefferson301:** fuck you, alexander.  
  


 **mariahcareylookalike** : aight so we need to focus on the main issue: the funding. who tf cares about ur squabble when our refreshments r gonna be cut  
  


 **herc-the-hunk** : like 70% of the reason i applied for sc was because of the free lunch I Am In  
  


 **gardenmarquee** : what are we going to do?  
  


 **ohjohnnieboy** : the lgbt club and the poc club have had their funding cut too so we can get them involved and protest  
  


 **ohjohnnieboy:** also just like, be cunts to mr lee xoxo  
  


 **peg_the_leg:** alex is already a cunt to 90% of authority figures, he won't have to change much  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee** : ok tru but shut up  
  


 **angelicafromrugrats:** has Mr Washington said anything about it?  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee:** he told me 'don't let your mouth get you into something your ass can't handle'  
  


 **ellsbells:** i fuckin love Mr Washington  
  


 **gardenmarquee** : he is, as you say, a 'good egg'  
  


 **ellsbells** : i also fuckin love lafayette  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee:** you're a 'good egg' too, laf  
  


 **gardenmarquee:** no, i hate eggs. menstuating chickens do nothing for me.


	7. Re: Gossip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gwash66 = George Washington  
> c-lee = Charles Lee

**gwash66:** Hello, Charles. I've heard some gossip from students and I just wanted to warn you that all sorts of rumours about you are passing around.  
  


 **c-lee:** I'm aware of the rumours, thank you.  
  


 **gwash66:** I thought I should also warn you that I'm aware of your slander against me and if it continues I will have to turn to higher powers.  
  


 **c-lee:** Excuse me?  
  


 **gwash66:** Students have informed me that you have been less than complimentary of me during classes.  
  


 **c-lee:** I haven't said anything that isn't true.  
  


 **gwash66:** I'd disagree, but either way, it's not appreciated and I will be filing a formal complaint if it continues.


	8. This Isn't Beef, It's the Whole Cow

**alex-needs-coffee:** ok i am OUTRAGED and i need your opinions - do i strike you as a bottom bitch??  
  


 **angelicafromrugrats** : yes  
  


 **ohjohnnieboy:** yes  
  


 **thomasjefferson301** : yes  
  


 **burrythefurry:** yes  
  


 **herc-the-hunk:** yes  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee:** this is bullying  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee:** john jay called me a bottom bitch during lunch  
  


 **ohjohnnieboy:** he's right  
  


 **ellsbells:** this is incredible i'm sat next to alex and he's actually shaking with rage  
  


 **peg_the_leg:** literally and figuratively Shook™  
  


 **angelicafromrugrats** : wait why are you hanging out??  
  


 **ellsbells:** banter  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee** : the cheekiest of banter  
  


 **peg_the_leg** : i would say they were fucking but like, that's the only thing you don't need to worry about  
  


 **ellsbells** : Ha Ha Ha Asexuality Jokes So Funny I've Never Heard That Before  
  


 **ellsbells** : some asexual people still experience sexual arousal u dumb slut  
  


 **angelicafromrugrats** : legit tho why are you hanging out i'm curious  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee** : we're co-ordinating birthday plans for a certain inquisitive schuyler sister  
  


 **ohjohnnieboy:** i'm here too!!  
  


 **mariahcareylookalike** : me too but eliza keeps confiscating my cell because i'm looking up cute porn actresses  
  


 **angelicafromrugrats:** maria, stop looking up porn actresses, and the rest of you stop planning for my birthday i don'T WANT ANYTHING  
  


 **mariahcareylookalike:** they're all so cute tho :((((((((((  
  


 **peg_the_leg:** tbh they are cute  
  


 **ellsbells** : i hate u all why u gotta porn  
  


 **burrythefurry** : 'why you gotta porn' -elizabeth schuyler 2k16  
  


 **herc-the-hunk:** such eloquence from one so young  
  


 **thomasjefferson301:** i see why you used to have a crush on alexander, you're just as well spoken as him  
  


 **ellsbells:** I TOLD U THAT IN PRIVATE U CUNT  
  


 **ellsbells** : I WILL MURDER YOU  
  


 **ellsbells:** YOU WILL DIE  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee:** what  
  


 **thomasjefferson301** : angelica isn't the only schuyler sister who wants to fuck you xoxo  
  


 **gardenmarquee** : is this banter?  
  


 **mariahcareylookalike:** nah laf, this is beef  
  


 **gardenmarquee** : i don't understand where's the cow  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee:** oh my god  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee** : eliza just left the room  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee:** this isn't beef it's the whole cow  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee:** ok for those of u not here peggy just went after her so me n maria are looking at porn actresses  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee** : ooh okay they're back brb friends  
  


 **gardenmarquee:** this IS banter  
  


 **ellsbells** : thomas, you're getting an ass-kicking next time i see you.  
  


 **thomasjefferson301:** fair  
  


 **mariahcareylookalike:** eliza's trying to take my phone again she's fine  
  


 **gardenmarquee:** i still don't see where the cow is


	9. Fuck Coffee I Need Vodka

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spot the 21 Chump Street reference ;)

**alex-needs-coffee:** they're adding a white kid to the sc for """representation"""  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee:** fuck coffee i need vodka  
  


 **madasahatter:** are white people not represented enough in liTERALLY EVERYTHING ELSE IN SOCIETY do they have to infect sc too  
  


 **peg_the_leg:** who r they adding?? like, our entire school is puerto rican, black, dominican or some other type of latinx. there are p much 4 white people and they r all called becky in my head  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee:** George Hanover  
  


 **gardenmarquee:** Oh My God  
  


 **burrythefurry:** ok so like i'm all for equal rep and all that shit but like. george hanover. fucking REALLY  
  


 **angelicafromrugrats** : IS HE THE LITTLE SHIT WHO GRABBED MY ASS LAST YEAR AND SAID I HAD A BLACK GIRL BOOTY  
  


 **angelicafromrugrats:** WHAT THE FUCK  
  


 **ellsbells:** news headlines tomorrow: three sisters go to prison for murdering a pathetic creepy white guy  
  


 **burrythefurry:** do u remember when they had that puerto-rican dominican girl in the sc for like, a semester  
  


 **burrythefurry:** n she turned out to be an undercover cop  
  


 **burrythefurry:** that was some wild shit  
  


 **mariahcareylookalike:** ok but back to george hanover  
  


 **mariahcareylookalike:** how do i dispose of the body  
  


 **thomasjefferson301:** i'm thinking you dissolve it in acid and spread the sludge throughout all the different lakes in the state  
  


 **herc-the-hunk:** i bet this is Mr Lee's doing  
  


 **ellsbells:** what a snake  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee:** we just need to beat george down with our words n show him that he's nothing compared to us  
  


 **ohjohnnieboy:** the Queer Crew Of Colour  
  


 **mariahcareylookalike:** qcoc  
  


 **madasahatter:** the queue cock  
  


_alex-needs-coffee renamed the conversation 'queue cock'_   
  


**alex-needs-coffee:** shit i'm so bad at staying on topic  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee:** white people bullshit gets me distracted  
  


 **peg_the_leg:** i think george is het too  
  


 **peg_the_leg:** like, /wow/  
  


 **gardenmarquee:** i can cope with heterosexuals. i can cope with white people. i can cope with men. i can cope with cis people. i can cope with middle class people. a het white cis middle class male is askING TOO MUCH OF ME  
  


 **ohjohnnieboy:** your hyperbole is amusing but also #relatable  
  


 **gardenmarquee:** i aim to please


	10. Monster Shit

  
**peg_the_leg:** oi  
  


 **peg_the_leg:** vagina owners  
  


 **peg_the_leg:** i need to borrow a tampon  
  


 **burrythefurry:** you're not really "borrowing" it  
  


 **ellsbells** : true i mean,,,you're not gonna give it back  
  


 **peg_the_leg** : FUCK OFF  
  


 **peg_the_leg** : i need my vagina cotton i am pouring blood at an alarming rate  
  


 **angelicafromrugrats** : i told you to pack some tampons this morning peggy  
  


 **peg_the_leg:** now is not the time for the lecture angie i am sat on the toilet oozing blood  
  


 **madasahatter:** this is really disgusting can you make a separate chat for this  
  


 **ellsbells:** do you think we enjoy it?? fuck you james  
  


 **angelicafromrugrats** : 1) you're a pathetic manbaby if you can't cope with vagina talk, james and 2) which toilets are you in peggy?  
  


 **peg_the_leg:** the ones by the english classrooms, second cubicle in  
  


 **mariahcareylookalike:** O SHIT IM IN THE STALL NEXT TO YOU  
  


 **peg_the_leg** : that's you having the really loud shit??  
  


 **peg_the_leg:** honestly i'm proud babe it sounds like you're giving birth to a monster shitbaby  
  


 **angelicafromrugrats** : i arrive in the bathroom just in time to see peggy and maria reach under the stall wall to high five  
  


 **angelicafromrugrats** : i hate my sister  
  


 **angelicafromrugrats:** anyway you have a tampon now  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee:** do u want me to like,,,start carrying maxi pads and tampons so that if you need any i have some too  
  


 **ohjohnnieboy** : i can too if you want  
  


 **burrythefurry** : yeah me too  
  


 **ellsbells** : that would be v helpful  
  


 **mariahcareylookalike** : yes actually please do do that  
  


 **angelicafromrugrats** : except james obvs because cunts are scary to him  
  


 **madasahatter:** i'm gay, what do i say!  
  


 **peg_the_leg:** that's really cisnormative  
  


 **angelicafromrugrats:** not every man has a penis some of them have vaginas  
  


 **thomasjefferson301:** keemstar alert  
  


 **burrythefurry:** the show's called 'drama alert' and the host's called keemstar u fake fan  
  


 **gardenmarquee** : once again, i have entirely lost the thread of the conversation  
  


 **gardenmarquee** : you were talking about tampons and then poop and then cis and then keemstar and now my head hurts  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee** : laf basically you just need to buy a box of tampons and a box of maxi pads and keep them in your bag  
  


 **gardenmarquee** : i already do that?? gotta support my girls  
  


 **ellsbells:** once again lafayette is the only civilised person here  
  


 **peg_the_leg:** hey, i'm civilised!  
  


 **ellsbells:** you high fived your girlfriend for taking a good shit you are not civilised  
  


 **mariahcareylookalike:** ok but you didn't hear the shit it was an absolute monster it was worthy of a high five  
  


 **mariahcareylookalike:** u know when u shit so hard it like, actually hurts  
  


 **mariahcareylookalike:** it was one of those


	11. Discrimination

**gwash66:** As my officially assigned assistant for the student council, I have to ask you to host next week - I have a catch up class to hold.  
  


 **c-lee:** Okay.  
  


 **gwash66:** Also, I believe it was your suggestion that George Hanover be added to student council in an attempt to make it more equal?  
  


 **c-lee:** Yes. There was previously no representation of white students.  
  


 **gwash66:** No white students applied this year - it wasn't a case of discrimination, merely that none wished to be part of student council.  
  


 **c-lee:** George Hanover felt that he had been discriminated against in being barred from applying.  
  


 **gwash66:** He applied both his freshman and sophomore years and made it, only to never turn up to meetings and, in his sophomore year, steal cash from the budget. I was just in barring him. He was almost expelled, for heavens sake!  
  


 **c-lee:** He should have been given another chance. I'm sure he'll perform admirably.


	12. Understanding Aaron Complexly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> /// tw for implied child abuse/neglect
> 
> all the nasty stuff coming up for aaron is based on his legit childhood - by all accounts he had a horrible time with his relatives and ran away multiple times, first off at age 10.

**burrythefurry:** i am fucking FURIOUS  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee** : dare i ask why?  
  


 **burrythefurry:** ask your precious fucking girlfriend  
  


 **ohjohnnieboy:** lmao what did ange do now  
  


 **angelicafromrugrats:** bust him smoking in the bathroom and reported him to student services  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee** : aw, poor ickle aaron getting in twouble for smoking  
  


 **burrythefurry** : i've been suspended, you cunt! this is serious shit.  
  


 **angelicafromrugrats:** shouldn't have smoked in the bathroom. more specifically, shouldn't have smoked WEED in the bathroom.  
  


_burrythefurry has left the group chat_   
  


**peg_the_leg:** who pissed in his lucky charms  
  


 **thomasjefferson301:** he's gonna lose his place on sc and his grandfather will kill him  
  


 **herc-the-hunk:** shit dude, any of us got suspended we'd get murdered. that aint a shock.  
  


 **thomasjefferson301:** his grandfather is a preacher. big on the bible. big on respect. he's not a nice man.  
  


 **mariahcareylookalike:** he's not gonna like,,abuse aaron, is he?  
  


 **thomasjefferson301:** everything he does is legal. aaron ran away twice by the time he was 13 lmao, but cps know about why he did it and bcs it's all totally legal they won't do anything  
  


 **angelicafromrugrats:** fuck  
  


 **madasahatter:** i'm gonna go over to his house and try and take some of the fall for him. his grandfather likes me, he might chill a bit if i'm there.  
  


 **thomasjefferson301:** good idea, pal. i'll come too. see you there at 5?  
  


 **madasahatter:** sure thing  
  


_alex-needs-coffee added burrythefurry to the group chat_   
  


**alex-needs-coffee:** aaron, you need to get out  
  


 **burrythefurry:** ?  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee:** if you're unhappy at home, get out. get a weekend job, bust your ass off working as often as you can, get a spot in a shitty apartment  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee:** my brother probably knows a few places, you can get out, get away from your grandfather  
  


 **burrythefurry:** yeah, sure, because my grandfather would let me move out. GREAT plan. not like i'd ever considered it or anything. fuck you, alexander.


	13. Truce

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> // tw for referenced child abuse and religious extremism, read the

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> // tw for referenced child abuse and religious extremism, read the notes for the previous chapter for more context. we get back to the light happy shit soon my guys.

_thomasjefferson301 added madasahatter and alex-needs-coffee to the groupchat_   
  


**thomasjefferson301:** we need to get aaron out and cps are doing jack shit  
  


 **thomasjefferson301** : his grandfather's one of the crazy extremist bastards, he beat him with a belt then forced him to pray for 5 hours for forgiveness  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee:** that can't be legal, surely  
  


 **madasahatter:** it's legal, barely. thomas and i spent all day yesterday trying to find something that cps could arrest his grandfather's sick ass for, but there's nothing  
  


 **thomasjefferson301:** does your brother really know a place where he can go, alexander?  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee** : he can definitely find one. aaron said his grandfather wouldn't let him move out, though - what are you gonna do?  
  


 **madasahatter:** we want you to try and find a legal reason why aaron can't live there  
  


 **thomasjefferson301:** i hate to admit it, but you're the best in our law class by far. you'll be a lawyer some day.  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee:** right. i'll look into it, maybe talk to the law teacher - purely in hypotheticals, obviously. he might be able to be arrested on assault and battery charges  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee:** me and aaron don't really get on, and you guys are assholes, but i don't want anyone stuck in a shitty situation. before my dad left it was like that for me, and no one should have to be afraid and lonely in their own house.  
  


 **madasahatter:** as soon as aaron's out, we can go back to being infantile teenage boys. for now, there's more important shit to be done.


	14. Fuckin Heterosexual

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in the heights references because i hate myself lmao

  
**ellsbells:** guys help  
  


 **ellsbells:** i have a crush  
  


 **ohjohnnieboy:** who on???  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee:** spill the deets eliza  
  


 **ellsbells** : u gotta promise not to laugh at me  
  


 **gardenmarquee** : who is it?  
  


 **ellsbells:** george hanover  
  


 **madasahatter:** WHAT  
  


 **peg_the_leg:** WHAT  
  


 **angelicafromrugrats:** WHAT  
  


 **mariahcareylookalike:** WHAT  
  


 **herc-the-hunk** : WHAT  
  


 **ellsbells:** idK HE'S A TOTAL FUCKBOY BUT HE'S RLLY FUNNY AND HE MAKES ME LAUGH N FEEL ALL GOOEY INSIDE  
  


 **mariahcareylookalike:** u fuckin heterosexual  
  


 **thomasjefferson301:** tbh he isn't as big a dickhole as he used to be  
  


 **thomasjefferson301:** some of the taxi squad beat him up i think  
  


 **thomasjefferson301:** ya know benny, that lot??  
  


 **herc-the-hunk:** o shit yeah i heard he could throw a good punch  
  


 **ellsbells:** do u think he'll ask me out  
  


 **ellsbells:** i've been laying hints as thick as mrs washington's ass that i like him  
  


 **herc-the-hunk:** i mean she is the home ec teacher i'd be worried if she was thin  
  


 **ohjohnnieboy:** agreed tbh no one who teaches kids how to cook should ever be skinny  
  


 **ohjohnnieboy:** we gotta know ur dedicated to food  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee:** agreed tbh. also, ELIZA GET BETTER TASTE IN MEN U FUCK


	15. Stay Alive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warning for references to child abuse

**thomasjefferson301:** aaron's just turned up at my house with a black eye.  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee:** oh shit oh shit oh shit what happened??  
  


 **thomasjefferson301:** his grandfather punched him. we're calling the cops right now.  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee:** keep us updated. fuck dude, if they don't take him away from his grandfather now i'll represent him in court myself. fuck.  
  


 **madasahatter:** you need me to come over?  
  


 **thomasjefferson301:** we were gonna go grocery shopping but we have to stay with aaron, he's kinda a wreck - if you come to ours can my mom give you cash and our list and you get our groceries?  
  


 **madasahatter:** sure, but i'm not well - not sure how i'm gonna carry them to your apartment though, i'm pretty sick atm  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee:** i'll come too.  
  


 **thomasjefferson301:** thanks, alexander. i'll see you both soon.


	16. I GET IT NOW, THIS IS BANTER

**burrythefurry:** laf, can you collect my homework for me again today? i know my suspension ends today but i still won't be in  
  


 **gardenmarquee:** of course! are you okay?  
  


 **burrythefurry:** yeah, just personal stuff. i'll be in in a few days.  
  


 **mariahcareylookalike:** hope you're okay aaron  <3  
  


 **ohjohnnieboy:** that's my favourite thing  
  


 **ohjohnnieboy:** when people say they're okay and someone responds with 'i hope you're okay'  
  


 **ohjohnnieboy:** like, they just said they are  
  


 **herc-the-hunk:** people lie tho john  
  


 **ellsbells:** true. anyway y'all, do you think we should add george to the gc?  
  


 **peg_the_leg:** just bcs ur fucking him  
  


 **ellsbells:** ,,,,,,,,peggy  
  


 **ellsbells:** i'm gonna smack u down next time i see you, i aM A SEX REPULSED ASEXUAL. i can still have a romantic relationship without fucking, u clod.  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee:** in fairness he is a member of sc and he isn't as big a cunt as we expected so yeah, probably  
  


_ellsbells added britboigeorge to the group chat_   
  


**britboigeorge:** ooh is this the sc group chat?  
  


 **ohjohnnieboy:** no fuckin shit george  
  


 **britboigeorge:** you're charming, john. i was always curious why you smelled like shit, but now i realise it's because your head is up your arse :)  
  


 **gardenmarquee** : I GET IT NOW  
  


 **gardenmarquee:** THIS IS BANTER  
  


 **herc-the-hunk:** eliza ur decision to add george was fuckin a+++ that snapback was lit  
  


 **britboigeorge:** it wasn't particularly good, but i suppose you're american and so you're not used to anything better than mediocre  
  


 **angelicafromrugrats:** OOOOOH SHIT  
  


 **mariahcareylookalike:** FUCKIN BURNED MAN  
  


 **ellsbells:** george, we americans learned our ways from the british when you liTERALLY OWNED US. don't shade us for your problems  
  


 **britboigeorge:** yes, but we've evolved in 200 years. you lot haven't.  
  


 **gardenmarquee:** this is bringing a whole new meaning to the word 'banter' for me  
  


 **ohjohnnieboy:** im crying this is so funny


	17. That's Kinda Gay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the last chapter i have pre-written and my mental health is quite astonishingly bad rn so updates are probably gonna slow down quite considerably  
> also tw for homophobic slurs and poo

**alex-needs-coffee:** guys please help me do any of you have any spare underwear  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee:** or jeans or ANYTHING please i'm desperate  
  


 **gardenmarquee:** what's happened??  
  


 **herc-the-hunk:** he probably came in washington's class, we've all seen how he looks at him x  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee** : i shit my pants  
  


 **angelicafromrugrats:** literally??????  
  


 **ohjohnnieboy:** fuckign reALLY???  
  


 **britboigeorge:** Your boyfriend is SO hot.  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee:** guys seriously i'm in the bathroom by maths and i'm crying someone help me  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee:** i've cleaned myself up but my pants and underwear are to dirty to wear  
  


 **ellsbells** : i have my cheer skirt you can borrow if you want?  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee:** PLEASE  
  


 **thomasjefferson301:** are you really gonna wear a skirt??? that's kinda gay  
  


 **madasahatter:** it's gayer than when ur cock was in my butthole thomas x  
  


 **ohjohnnieboy:** that's relatable  
  


 **ohjohnnieboy:** it's funny how queer people have reclaimed 'gay' and 'faggot' as insults.  
  


 **ohjohnnieboy:** like, i'm bisexual and if y'all were being annoying i'd call u gay  
  


 **ohjohnnieboy:** why do we do this??  
  


 **peg_the_leg:** i love that your boyfriend has literally shat his pants and ur contemplating the logistics of the reclamation of slurs  
  


 **angelicafromrugrats:** why are my boyfriends such pieces of shit. one shat himself and the other is tumblr-deep  
  


 **mariahcareylookalike:** i mean, alexander is LITERALLY a piece of shit  
  


_alex-needs-coffee sent a photo to the group chat: cheerskirt.jpg_   
  


**ellsbells:** i'm so upset i'm standing here looking at alexander and he looks way better than me in a skirt  
  


 **ohjohnnieboy:** i literally have a half-chub right now


	18. My Problem Isn't With Them

**gwash66:** Funding hasn't been cut for sc - my students did a wonderful job convincing the principal that they need money.  
  


 **c-lee:** Ah. Thank you for keeping me informed. I shall, obviously, be submitting my disagreements.  
  


 **gwash66:** Charles, what's your issue with the sc? Why do you want to be part of it so badly, but you still tear it down?  
  


 **c-lee:** I don't know what you mean.  
  


 **gwash66:** You forced your way into the position of sc assistant, then campaigned to have funding cut. The kids in sc are a really good bunch, I don't get your problem with them.  
  


 **c-lee:** My problem isn't with them.  
  


 **gwash66:** With who, then?  
  


 **c-lee:** You.


	19. Closing Ranks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw // references to child abuse

  
**thomasjefferson301:** aaron's grandfather has been arrested and charged with child endangerment, child abuse, assault of a minor and assaulting a police officer  
  


 **madasahatter:** holy fuck. what's happening with aaron?  
  


 **thomasjefferson301:** cps are gonna try and find him a place - he's still staying with me for now. his face is messed up, though, and he's too scared to go to school  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee:** is he gonna be put in a foster home or with relatives?  
  


 **thomasjefferson301:** they don't know yet. his family seem to be closing ranks and supporting his grandfather, so probably foster home.  
  


 **alex-needs-coffee:** he'll probably end up in mine, then. you might wanna warn him.  
  


 **madasahatter:** lmao i think aaron probably won't care as long as he's away from his grandfather.


End file.
